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Discern Whom You Can Trust
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For the last several weeks I’ve been talking to you about The Top 10 Ways to Make it Through Difficult Times. And the message today is extremely important because one of the ways to make it through tough times in life is “Discern Whom You Trust.” That’s what I want to talk to you about today.
How do you learn to discern whom you can trust? The scripture gives to us this word. The series comes out of 2 Timothy, and so if you have the Bible, would you please look at the scripture with me, 2 Timothy chapter number 4, beginning in verse number 9?
“Make every effort to come to me soon. For Demas has deserted me because he loved this present world, and is gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Bring Mark with you for he is useful to me in the ministry. I sent Tychicus to Ephesus, and when you come bring the cloak I left in Troaz with Carpus, as well as the scrolls, especially the parchments. Alexander the coppersmith did great harm to me, and the Lord will repay him according to his works. Watch out for himself because he strongly opposed our words.”
Last fall we began to lift up into our ministry 5 core values that we established through the course of a journey that ended up in the early summer. Core values like: Christ likeness, Relationships, Trust, Teamwork, Excellence. One of those core values I really want to go down on today, and it is the core value of trust.
If you were to ask me today how do you decide, how do you define, how does the ministry, since it is a core value, how does the ministry define that word “trust”? We have defined it in the following ways: We do the right thing. You know when you trust, and you want trust as one of the values in your life, you will do the right thing. Now in a ministry this large there are times when we don’t do the right thing, and when we learn that we don’t do the right thing, we repent of not doing the right thing, and we make it right.
Just this past week something came to my attention that had existed. I did not know that it existed. It has to get pretty unique for it to get to me, and it did, and here’s what I told our guys, our two guys who operate and run that entire ministry for me. I told them this, “Guys, one thing I know, whatever it takes, we will do the right thing.”
Also, another element of this whole element of trust is that we do what we say we will do. We do not over promise and under deliver. We do what we will say we will do. That’s what you call follow through. Do you realize how much trust is breached in a relationship when someone doesn’t follow through to do what they say they will do?
We also believe that we tell each other the truth. That’s essential in the element of trust. Now I want to be honest with you today, that’s not easy in, in, in the world today. A lot of times we do everything we can but tell people the truth, but we need to be an entity, a church, a group of people who tell each other the truth. We don’t need to play games. We don’t need to fabricate truth. We don’t need to deny the truth. We don’t need to, to act like it is non-existent, or we try to make it up in our own mind, but we need to tell each the truth.
I mean can you imagine it for a moment in your life where a relationship would be if trust was not there? I mean think about marriage. If a marital relationship has a breach in trust, it’s very difficult for that marriage to make it through the long haul of life. Trust is essential in a marital relationship.
Think about it in a business relationship. I mean, you know, we’re living in a time in the American economy whereby we have seen great breaches of trust in relationship to American business, which has now challenged the entire economical system of our nation. And so we have to understand trust is essential.
You think about friendships. Trust is important in friendships. We don’t need to forget about that in all of our friendships. Are we trustworthy, and do we, and are we willing to trust someone else?
You take just a couple of examples, example of, “I’ll call you.” And you don’t call them. “I’ll get back with you.” And you don’t get back with them. You see we think that breaches of trust come through big things. Oh no. The big happens because the small has been violated along the way. And what you must understand is that Satan will do everything he can to slowly erode every relationship in your life, and it will all be over the smallest elements of a violation called trust.
The Apostle Paul understood trusting people. The Apostle Paul understood that in every relationship there’s a certain level you can go with that person in how much you can trust them. In fact, in the last part of the passage that we have done this entire series on 2 Timothy, he begins to talk about several people in this passage. Now most of us, when we read some of Paul’s letters, and we get to the end, and he’s talking about all these people, they mean nothing to us, but we need to slow down, read slowly, and we need to discover who they are because in every one of those situations, Paul was, is, has a relationship with them to the level of trust in which he feels that he can have.
Interestingly, in each one of those names given a moment ago, each statement made by him about those people are statements of trust. They are trust statements. If somebody says something about a person you know, that statement is a level of trust, whether it be good, limited to a certain level, or all the way, and so Paul was no different.
So this morning I want to give you insight about what I call today:
1. Paul’s Relationship Network. I want us to start there today
because I want us to work through this passage, and from this passage I want us to launch into the future in our lives. Now Paul existed pre Facebook, pre Twitter, and pre text messaging. Some of us find it hard to believe he even got along, but I want to tell you Paul was a relationship magnet. I mean listen, through his relationships, God moved the gospel of Jesus Christ. And He could not have done what he did in his life without the relationships of those people.
In fact, let me explain to you from the passage today. He mentions Timothy. The entire book, the entire epistle, the letter is written to Timothy. What did he tell Timothy in verse 9? He told him:
Timothy: come quickly. Come quickly. Timothy, he was in Ephesus. It would take Timothy by the time he got this message through this letter, and it was snail mail, you got it? It would take him 3 to 4 months to get from Ephesus to Rome where Paul was about to be beheaded. Paul didn’t believe he was going to be killed immediately, but he knew it would happen soon. He knew that it was imminent. The verdict had already been given.
But in all of that, Paul was telling him, “I think you have time to get here before I go, but you can’t wait around, you’ve got to come now, very quickly because I have much more to deposit in your life, and to pour into your life before the Lord takes me home.”
Then he mentioned the person named:
Demas. Demas. Demas: deserted me, Paul said. Deserted me. Now one time we know that from the book of Colossians, because he was with him in Colossae, we know that Paul and Luke, Epaphras, and this one named Demas hung out together. There was a level of trust among them. There was a good relationship there. But somewhere along the way Demas desert, determined that he was going to desert the Apostle Paul. That word there mentioned there about Demas means utterly abandoned me. That’s what Demas did to Paul. Paul was in one of the most critical times, and when he needed him, and he left him in the lurch. He deserted him greatly.
Now if someone would ask why did he do that? Paul answered that question. “He loved this present world more than he needed to.” You see, when you go hang around the Apostle Paul you hear about people going to kill him, and they’re going to persecute him, and they’re going to behead him, and they’re going to take his life. Demas said, “Now wait a minute man. I didn’t sign up for this.” Demas said, “I’m going to Thessalonica, the mother of Macedonia. I’m going to hang out there and get away from all that pressure.” It’s a lot like a lot of people that start out their relationship with God. They start out good until they understand the price, and when they learn the price, they become the Demas of a 21st century church. They desert, they utterly abandon the situation.
The next person mentioned here in the scripture is:
Crescens. Crescens. We call Crescens: a faithful man. How do we know that? Because Paul sent him to Galatia. Paul had gone to Galatia all 3 missionary journeys. It was a very special place to the Apostle Paul, and he would not have sent someone that was unfaithful, untrustworthy to that place, and so Crescens was sent there.
Then he talks about:
Titus. Titus was a close friend. A close friend. Titus chapter 1, verse number 4 he calls him, “My trial, my child in the faith.” You know Titus is a cool dude. I’m telling you it’s a great book in the Bible. Titus and Timothy, they were very close to the Apostle Paul. They were protégés in which he was pouring himself into. And I want to say to all of you young families who are going to have babies, or having babies, would you do your pastor a favor and name your child Titus? Titus is a missing name in our culture, and it’s a great name to represent someone who has, and has been enormously faithful to the Lord Jesus.
And then he talks about:
Luke. Oh Luke. Luke was a devoted friend, a fellow traveler, and personal physician of the Apostle Paul. A devoted friend. He was always with him. And our Noman Clathcher we would say, “well he had no problem living out of a suitcase.” Because he went everywhere with the Apostle Paul. But also he served as Paul’s personal physician. Now that came in pretty handy when he got beat all the time, almost stoned to death, rescued from the lion’s mouth, had gotten in all kind of situations that almost took his life. So God in His sovereignty had placed Luke into his life.
Now Luke’s a special man. In fact, if you read the gospel of Luke you will notice his detail. If you read the book of Acts you will notice his detail as well because Luke was the author of the book of Acts.
And then:
Mark. Mark, he was useful to me. Once, if you will remember correctly those of you that know some of the scripture, Paul and Barnabas were together, and Mark, known as John Mark in the scripture. John Mark left them. It got too hot and he didn’t want to go there. And John Mark left them, but you know what? John Mark somewhere came back and repented, and guess what God did? God gave him a big, big heart. And that big heart was demonstrated through the Apostle Paul.
Listen very carefully. If you want to be a great leader in your life, you better learn two things. You better learn how to forgive, and you better learn how to restore people. To forgive them, and restore them. Give them a break. Never let them outside of your circle of love regardless of what they do to you. So Mark was useful to me.
And then you see:
Tychicus is mentioned. Tychicus was a real servant. It was Tychicus who would deliver this letter to the one named Timothy. He was one who was such a servant that he delivered letters to, to Ephesus, and Colossae, and to Titus. Instructions were given to these persons of the faith. Hey listen you’ve got to bring me your cloak. Bring me my cloak. The winter is coming. Now what is the cloak? A cloak was a heavy piece of material whereby there was a hole cut in that material that was big enough to slip over the head of a individual. It would protect them from the cold, from the winter, and from the rain. Paul said I need my cloak. If you want to imagine this, think about it this way: it is a 21st century winter poncho. That’s what he said. I want that.
And he said, “Also bring to me my parchments. Bring to me my parchments.” How important the parchments are to this man. He knew that these parchments would be skin that would be given to him, or vellum that would be given to him for writing purposes. From there they would write, and he would write these letters. As well, he said, “Bring me my scrolls. Bring me a copy of the Old Testament, plus other matters that will help me study.” Now listen here, here’s a great insight: Paul was such a scholar, and as any scholar would want, he would want something to write on, and something to read, and something to study. Why did he do that? Because he wanted to pour himself into the lives of others to the moment he would die. And he would do that through his writing ministry.
And then he talks about:
Alexander. Alexander was a troublemaker. That’s what Paul said. He’s probably not the same Alexander we hear when we read from in earlier parts of the scripture, but this Alexander he made idols. He was a metal worker, if you may. And he opposed Paul for what he taught. He opposed Paul’s teachings. He opposed Paul himself. He, he could have been the one who gave a false testimony that got Paul arrested. I mean, quite honestly, Alexander was a troublemaker. And Paul said to him, “You watch out for him. You watch out for him and even though he did me wrong, God will take care of him, but don’t let him do to you what he did to me.”
I say this statement one more time: Interestingly each statement Paul made about those men was a trust statement. Let me illustrate it where it begins to make sense, and you can begin to wear here today. Let’s imagine that I had the Apostle Paul on the stage. He were sitting right here beside me. And I said, “Paul, you mention these people in 2 Timothy. I want to talk to you about each one of those people, and whether or not you trust them, and how much is your level of trust per each one of them. So Paul would you respond simply when I give that person’s name?”
I want to give you what I think the Apostle Paul would say. “Paul, what about Timothy?” Paul said, “I want to see him now. I have got to see him now. If I don’t see him now Ronnie, I’m not going to be able to pour into his life so that he will be able to pour into the lives of others. I need him here now.”
“What about Demas?” “I cannot trust him. I cannot trust him. I cannot trust him.” “Paul, what about Crescens?” “I can depend on him.” “What about Titus?” “I believe in him. I believe in him.” “What about Luke?” “Or Ronnie, I’m trust Luke with my life. He can get me in real trouble he knows so much about me. He’s with me all the time. I can trust him with my life.”
“What about Mark?” “I can trust him now. There was a time I couldn’t, but I can trust him now.” “What about Tychicus?” “I can trust him to do what I ask him to do. He always follows through.” What an incredible accommodation. “And what about Alexander?” “I do not trust him at all. At all, I don’t trust him.”
Now launching from this text today, understanding what we have just taught you about these people, I want us to continue in our journey ultimately of going to discern whom you can trust, but before we do that, we have to all get on level ground. Level ground is let me talk to you briefly about:
2. Relationships 101. Relationships 101. You know we struggle having relationships today. We have perhaps some say the most dysfunctional culture in the history of America, all over this element of dysfunctional relationships. Today, understand clearly, I’m not trying to be Dr. Phil, nor am I trying to be Oprah. I appreciate Oprah, and I appreciate Dr. Phil for how they attempt to help people, but that’s not what I’m attempting to be today.
But I’m trying to get us on level ground. So today how do we get there?
(1) Every relationship is important. Let’s start right there. You’ve got to come away and understand that every relationship is important. If you were in my classroom and I was talking to you on a course called Relationships 101, I would say to you every relationship is important. Do you believe that today? Do you act like that today? Do you treat everyone the same today? Does someone have to make more money than you in order to get your attention? Does someone have to be able to help you in order for you to understand that’s important relationship?
I’ll tell you how you will see if you believe every relationship is important is you treat all the people the same in your life, even when they cannot help you whatsoever at all. Every relationship is important.
The next thing is this:
(2) Each relationship is at a different level. Relationships 101 teaches you that each relationship is at a different level. Now that should be, not necessarily insightful to us, but some of us are bothered by that because we think every relationship needs to be the same, and they all exist at the same level. That’s not so. You know what? Most of these people on this stage have a pretty good relationship. You know what puts them there? Their interest in music. You see your interest determines the level of relationship.
Also your gifts determine the level of a relationship. What you like to do, your passions, determine the, the level of a relationship. Life, and how life is lived determines the levels of a relationship. There are many of you today, you have kids, and when you have children, at your age, when they are elementary all the way to high school, I mean you’re running with those kids. I mean their schedules are horrendous, which you need to control somewhat, but you are, you are racing with them through life. Guess what? While you’re doing that, you will have friendships at that level. What puts you at that level with them? The lives of your kids. And what happens is you swarm around the lives of your kids. And you’ll see that vary per sport, or per whatever they’re involved in from gymnastics to cheerleading to band.
You see we have to understand today that one day those kids will no longer be there, and will those relationships become non-existent? Sometimes because the interests have changed. Time doesn’t permit it because you don’t see them anymore. You may have an appreciation for them. You know who they are. You appreciate their time. But you know what you’ll normally say? Boy we sure need to get together. I’d sure like to catch up with you. But guess what? It’s not natural. Why? Because the interests have changed. Time doesn’t permit that anymore so each relationship is at a different level.
And you know what? Just as a little insight about relationships, every person you know in your life in a relationship will either replenish you or deplete you. They will make you better or they will wear you out. They will provide juice for your life or they’ll just take that juice you’ve got in your life away from you. That’s just the facts of life. We need to pray that God makes us the kind of people who will replenish other people.
Also we need to understand that:
(3) Trust determines the depth of every relationship. It doesn’t matter what it is, trust determines the depth of every relationship. And we’ve got to learn to be content with the stages. Every one of those people we mentioned in Paul’s life, a level went on the basis of trust. You can put 15 people you have a relationship with in your life, and I promise you every one of those people, there’s a different level that’s determined by the element of trust. And you might think in your mind that’s not Christian, that’s not right. That’s the way Jesus lived folks! Peter, James and John, he had enormous trust in them. They were privileged to things of Jesus that no one else got to experience. And then the rest of the disciples, he was at a level with them, and then he was at a level with all of his people who we would call in scripture being the multitude, the masses of people. Every one of them were on a different level of relationship all in the element of trust.
And then listen to this one in Relationships 101:
(4) People will disappoint you. People will disappoint you.
You need to understand that. You’re never going to change that. People will disappoint you. I doubt very seriously that there’s one person in this room who hasn’t been disappointed by someone in their life, from the youngest child, if they understood what we were talking about, they would say, “Yes I have been disappointed at some level.”
Now what do we do when we get disappointed? We need to accept that as a fact
of reality people are going to disappoint us. And we need to learn from it. And we need to forgive them. And we need to restore them. And we need to accept it. And we need to learn from it. And we need to forgive them. And we need to restore them. And we need to accept it. Are you understanding? You see, you have to come to a point of understanding the power of forgiveness. You’re never going to be able to have the kind of relationships at any level that you need to have if you’ve got an unforgiving heart. You’ve got to have a forgiving heart.
Of all that we’ve said, we’ve said all that to bring us right here in closing today:
3. Discern whom you can trust. How do you discern whom you can trust? How does that happen? How did Paul do it? That word discern, let’s define that word today. Let’s get everybody on the same level. Let’s assume nothing today. The word discern means to be able to recognize, or identify as unique. So I’m able to recognize, or I’m able to identify something as different, as unique, as distinct. So if I have 25 people in a room, I’m able to discern, I should be able to discern who is unique in that group. Who merits more trust than perhaps others in that group. So we have to discern whom you can trust.
So, how do you do that with your life? I mean understanding a little bit about relationships, how do you do that? Let me hang it today on four simple words.
(1) Life. Life. Look at their life. If you want to be able to trust someone, you want to be discern whom you can trust, it all begins with their life. How do you do that? Very simple folks, you look at it, and you listen. You watch, and you listen. We want everything today. We want immediacy immediately. We want decision after decision now. We live in the now generation as I said last Sunday. But we have to understand that if we do not want to get ourselves in trouble, we need to look at people’s life.
I’m not talking about judging them in an ungodly way. Taking on a spirit of superiority, or arrogance, condemning them, or putting them down, or saying they’re worthy of me, and this one’s not worthy of me. I’m not talking about that. That’s not of God. But God in His Word talks about the spirit of discernment, having a spirit in your life that is so able to distinguish that which is good, from that which is not best. To distinguish that which is good from that which is bad, from evil to that which is good. You have got to pray God give me the spirit of discernment in all my relationships.
And one of the first ways you begin is just look at their life, and you listen to their words. The next thing is a simple thing as well, but it’s such an important thing, and that is their:
(2) Heart. You’ve got to look at their heart. Somehow you’ve got to get inside their heart to know whether or not they are trustworthy. How do you do that? That’s a great question. I don’t know, but you’ve got to figure it out. I can give you a couple of tips: ask them open-ended questions like, “Tell me about what really matters to you. If you were at the end of your life and you knew it was coming, what would you want out of that? Looking back on your life, what do you wish you would have done differently?” Somehow you’ve got to get away from all the debris of fabrication, and you’ve got to get inside of their heart, and you’ve got to pray that God will give you the discernment of what’s in their heart. That’s challenging, very challenging.
(3) Time. Time is the next time that will help you discern whom you can trust. Time is the key. Time is everything because you see, time reveals who you can trust. I mean don’t you know that you wish that you knew then what you know now about people who have violated your trust. That’s what I’d say to all teenagers, and all young adults in here today that are not married. So many times they want to race into it, they want to rush into it. Listen, slow down, chill out because time may reveal that they’re not worthy of your trust. And that’s why you don’t need to rush into those kind of significant, important decisions in your life because time will reveal who you can trust.
Finally, very important, is:
(4) Prayer. Prayer. Don’t underestimate the power of prayer giving you the insight you need about a person. Pray with the word of God in your hand. You see today is a preventive medicine day. A lot of preaching as a pastor has to be preventive, but listen, we are in, we are seeing the wreckage, the carnage is on the side of the road because we are not good at discerning relationships!
Look at what’s happened in marriage after marriage, after marriage. Look at what’s happened to businesses in NWA. Look at what’s happened in business around the world. What does it come down to? Having the ability to discern whom you can trust. That’s what it comes down to! And we better know that about all the relationships in our lives. But we have to pray, and you know what?
There are a couple of words I want to put in your mind here about that element of prayer. The word release and the word check. Release and the word check. Release and check. As you pray about those people, is God giving you a release about that person? Or is God giving you a check about them? Wait a minute, slow down. I don’t know I don’t get the right kind of vibes from this person. I’m not there. Are you with me folks? Release and check.
I close with this story today, and I want you to hear my heart today. So I want you to put down your pen, and I want you to listen very, very, very carefully. I’ve been doing this deal for 33 years this coming September. In other words, I’ve been pastoring churches for 33 years. That’s a long time. That’s a long time. And I tell you what; I’ve been in all kind of situations, with all kind of people. And I just want to tell everyone today after all of those up, down, good, bad, ugly, I want to make a proclamation today that I am unashamed about making, and I am convinced of it with all of my heart. I still believe in people. I still believe in people.
And you know what? It’s been strange, and challenging at times, it’s been very challenging. I remember when I moved here, after a few months being here I went to uh, be involved in something you’ve got to do. There was a guy there who was in charge of that, and he went to our church. And he said, “Well,” he said, “Uh, you know what everybody’s saying about you, don’t you?” I was 30, 31, 32 years old, and I said, “Well, uh not really.” “Well most of them don’t think you’re going to make it very long.” “Oh, okay. Really?” And you know, that’s a little intimidating when you’re that young. You know, I didn’t move my family here from Texas to, you know, to lose my deal. And so as he was blessing me there in a sweet way I asked him, I said, “Well let me ask you a questions, uh, uh, what do you tell them?” I mean it was right off his lips, “I told them just wait and see. Just wait and see.” I do that with everybody I meet, I wait and see. Thought okay.
Well I don’t know where he is today, but I’m still here. But he may still be waiting. I don’t know. I’m reminding when I was interviewing with the church one time, and on the pastor search committee there was this man, and he was an interesting individual, and he uh, he didn’t say a word hardly in the entire meeting. We were coming to the end of our meeting, and he looked at me, and he said to me, I mean he didn’t even talk hardly, he said to me, “Look me in the eye!” “Look me in the eye!” Okay. He looked around at everybody, “I can trust him.” Okay. That man did everything he could to undermine me for the next time I was there forever, and ever, and ever. I remember bringing in staff members for interviews, because he was on the personnel committee of that church, and I told them, I said, “Listen, there’s going to be this old man towards the end of the interview, he won’t say anything hardly at all, but he’s going to tell you toward the end of the interview look at him in the eye. And just try not to laugh, and just sit there and look at him, and then you can get a job.” True story.
I mean somebody asked me not long ago, said, “Hey what’s the biggest difference between pastoring a big old church and a small church.” Here it is Drew. This is it. You’ve just got more crazy people in a big church. That’s all it is. That’s the difference. It isn’t that hard. I mean, you know, it’s a challenge.
Jeana reminded me of a story and I didn’t even know it until she reminded me not long ago because we saw a certain individual, and she said, “Do you remember when all that happened?” And I said, “Oh yeah, I remember that.” I mean one afternoon, I mean just tougher than a boot on me. I mean tough, tough, tough. And she said, “I remember you came home late afternoon, and you were so discouraged you went to bed.” I remembered it after she told me about it.
You know people are mean, but yet people are great. And I don’t know where you are in your life, but I want to tell you something. And Jeana knows what I’m going to tell you. I believe it with all of my heart. I still believe in people. I do. To a fault sometime. But I still believe in people. And you know what? Many of you can’t say that because of one reason, you have a hard time forgiving, and a hard time letting go. And you feel like everybody owes you something, and you’re entitled to something in your life. You’re not entitled to anything, and nobody owes you anything. You are your biggest problem. And the best thing you can do in your life is to go to the One Person, and stay there long, the only One you can really ultimately trust is Jesus Christ in your life. That’s it. And you’ve got to stay there, and you’ve got to be comfortable with being there, and that’s where you’ve got to live. So I pray today that you will be able to say, “You know, I’ve had a lot of things happen to me, but I still believe in people.” And the reason I believe in them, it’s real simple folks, because I know Jesus believes in them all the way. Aren’t you glad He does?
Father…
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- MP3:
- http://www.ronniefloyd.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/2Y224L-Discern-Whom-32K001.mp3
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