Funeral Done…Hearts Hurt…Difficult Transition Begins

Well, Saturday Was A Very Difficult Day. I am amazed of my own personal journey through the loss of my Dad. My Dad died suddenly on Thursday while sitting in a chair at an estimated 10:00 a.m. while being at home alone. He was discovered by my sister mid-morning with life gone, memories alive, and difficulties began.

By Thursday at 6:00 p.m. I was standing in a funeral home, choosing a casket for my Dad, to serve as his body’s temporary home. That began one of a myriad of decisions that continue to unfold. Some prepared for, many not.

I began weeping on Saturday in the very early morning while putting my shoes onto my feet. Sitting in a closet I wept continually. In those morning moments with family standing again at the side of my Dad’s casket, I wept uncontrollably. Why? I am not sure other than I am human, hurting, and deeply needing to find faith while standing right there. All the preaching on heaven and the promise of the Rapture and Second Coming all seemed to be forgotten. I did learn this…

While it all seemed so final and death is final… my faith is the only thing that cancels out the finality of death. I stayed a very long time on Saturday morning standing there with my children, my wife, my Mom, brother and sister. I needed to articulate my struggles out loud and did. I was trying my very best to prepare as much I could to conduct Dad’s funeral at 3:00 p.m.

Time arrived… I walked out to a funeral chapel that was absolutely packed, with standing room only… and they stood. Somehow, God endowed me, lifted me up, and made me stand and speak with Nick by my side ready to take over if needed. He was ready just in case.

I informed the funeral director that I wanted to close the lid of my Dad’s casket personally as his body slept in Jesus until the resurrection. Therefore, I did… more difficult than I imagined, but I felt I must do it, laying that body to rest until that Great Day. I told that body of my Dad, "I love you Dad… I will see you soon." Weeping before my family and others, I took that lid and closed it with heart aching and tears flowing. Again, only my faith cancelled out the finality.

Driving my Mom 45 minutes away to the cemetery named after my Dad’s great Grandfather, was absolutely sobering. Little said, pain and loss felt.

Just before dusk, the final words, scripture and prayer was offered, my Dad was a veteran. Therefore, military honors were bestowed upon him, taps was played, flag folded from his casket, and presented to my Mom from a young Air Force team from Lackland Air Force base in San Antonio, Texas. Final greetings from family and friends given, dusk was coming upon us. We drove away on that dusty road, Dad was buried probably just as dark was coming upon that country cemetery.

Sunday afternoon we drove back over, dirt covering the body of my Dad’s casket, and flowers all over the grave. What did not matter before, I personally took great detail for several minutes with the placement of the flowers and taking away completely the look of dirt. Oh my, how difficult it was to walk away again. I knelt down, breaking down again emotionally, touching those flowers, telling the body that represented my Dad to me all those years, "Dad I love you, Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas in heaven." As I sat in the back seat I kept looking back at that grave as long as I could see it.

How human I have been… really no different from any other day, but just a different journey. The most difficult journey that exposed to me so much about me. I have realized again so vividly, "Hey Ronnie, I am human. I hurt. I feel pain. I cry. I am just a man." Not that I did not know that, but this time I know it more than ever before.

I will be fine, but please pray for Mom continually. She and my Dad were together for 55 years. Her words last night while crying in the arms of her children, "I feel so empty without him." Why should she not? One-half of her died. One-half of her is in heaven. She is left to bear the pain, the loss, and grief. She does not grieve for my Dad, but only for herself. She is strong, but she is but a woman. My sister has lived with my parents for a year as a single mom. My brother and his wife just moved back within minutes from them within the last month. Thank God for them.

Thanks for all of those who have prayed for us. We really appreciate it. Do not forget to pray for my Mom and sister and brother.

Thanks for all who want to give to the Memorial for my Dad to his church:

New Building Program
Austin Street Baptist Church
107 Austin Street
Yoakum, Texas 77995
(361) 293-7300
Pastor, Del E. Turner (A great man of God)

Thanks again. God bless you.